I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
