it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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