I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
