big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
