Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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