i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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