Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
