you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
