I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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