NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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