She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
