Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
