when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My vagina just clenched in fear
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
