I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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