so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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