I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
