You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
