The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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