...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
