Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
