I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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