My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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