Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
