what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
