Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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