i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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