positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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