I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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