My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
