i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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