You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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