Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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