friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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