For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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