It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wish my penis had a tongue
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
