there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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