Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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