grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
