If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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