a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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