I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
