I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he thought i was a dude.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
