TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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