I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I party with great urgency now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
