i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
