Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
