I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
