What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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