Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
