Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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